An attempt at poetry

While I was on the 48 hour retreat I was feeling in a very creative mood, and I wanted to read some poetry or at least some creative writing.  In the cabin that I was staying, I could not find a single piece of creative literature.  The most poetic writing I could find was some written sermons by Evelyn Underhill.  It was good to get acquainted with her, but still didn't scratch the creative itch.  The Lord prompted me to write my own poems.  So, the whole weekend my thoughts came out in poetry, simile, and proverb.  Here is one piece I wrote:

What can be said about our five senses;

that leave us More defined,

More constricted

More limited.

I care More about our most often unused sense

the sense that detects love

loves good, and

loves well.

I will make this the king over all my other senses;

He will become the coach to the five on the field.

He will lead the drills,

and they will feel the sweat on their brow.

My ears will spend their time in silence,

in quietness they will grow,

learning patience as well as eagerness.

They will dream of sounds, both

foreign and

familiar;

Notes running melodies on eighths

and carefully leaping from halves to wholes.

Their desire for constant arousal will fade,

Their ecstasy will be respectful satisfaction.

My eyes have already tasted from the 

tree of knowledge of good and evil,

so now they must spend the rest of their days

buried in books;

Being educated in discernment.

They will study the sensitivity of subtlety, and

significance of circumstance 

from the eyes who went before,

now tragically "gouged out."

In beauty they will become gluttonous

in corruption they will choose ignorance.

The world will become black and white,

but ever so filled with marvelous colors.

My tongue will learn the life of virtue and nobility,

acquainted with simplicity and even indulgence

but weary of the brothers "over" and "under."

He will dine at the King's table and get drunk from flavors and spices

yet not taste a drop of entitlement.

Today he will eat as the Father does in Heaven,

Tomorrow he will eat with the Son in sorrow,

The day after he will eat with Paul, content in all things.

My passive little nose will certainly need training as well.

It is a defenseless thing that is helplessly along for the ride.

It's submissive state has left it only one chore:

to be like a child eating a November turkey for the first time,

be curious, and

be "thanks" giving.

My feel and touch will be trained in a new job.

My fingers will no longer fing,

or whatever thing

they used to do.

Ten more tools or instruments I have

to heal the sick and ease the pain.

Five senses I possess to register this world

surely I can spare

One to help redeem it.

Yes in training they will become great,

greater than they are now.

Not greater in their original uses:

to define,

to constrict,

to limit,

But greater because they have gone beyond their original powers

to expand potential

to discover mystery

to magnify mundane

to worship God.

SOAP (Romans 14:22)

S - Blessed is he who finds no reason to pass judgement upon himself for what he approves.

O - This passage of Scripture speaks to a condition of life: A life tormented by fear of offering an unworthy sacrifice. Blessed is he who can come before the throne confident of his gift he has to offer. It is not a life unexamined, on the contrary it is one that has gone through much pain to find himself blameless in the eyes of the Lord as well as the eyes of his brethren. It is a life that has given up much so it may have no regrets or second guesses. It is blessed because it is free, and it is free because it is motivated only by love.

A - What a destination to hope to arrive. A blessed life indeed.

P - Lord help me not be discouraged as I am going through much pain to be found blameless offering a worthy sacrifice.

The Shack

I am way behind on any discussions already processed and enjoyed, but I am finally ready to join in and hopefully a few will humor me and return some comments.

What I liked:

I loved the picture of the trinity.  There was no particular sentence or quote, but it was the overall picture Young painted of the trinity that was very compelling.  The Trinity really is self  sufficient.  They are completely happy being left to themselves.  They can converse, they can laugh (and they constantly did), and they cared, respected, and loved one another.  It gave a whole new meaning to "remaining in the center of His love."  To just be near them and let the love overflow.  There is no need to add anything just be there and let their love for each other take you in.

I loved the picture of humanity in Jesus.  He gave up much to save us.  Young portrayed Jesus still as a human.  He didn't give up the human-ness when He ascended.  Weird that I never really considered Him that way anymore.  He is now the first born of the new creation.  I also liked how Jesus was normal.  He likes looking at stars, skipping stones, and having good conversations.  I liked that Young made him a blue-collar guy.  

I also liked the theme that man was designed to live out of being loved.  He are not living our true existence when we don't live out of a knowledge that our Father loves us.  Had strong ties to one of my favorite books, "Life of the Beloved."

The book ends with a Elizabeth Barret Browning quote: "Earth's crammed with Heaven, and every common bush a fire with God, but only he who sees takes off his shoes; the rest sit round it and pick blackberries."  I love this quote, it has been with me for almost four years, it has a dear place in my heart. 

What I didn't like:

Cliche questions for God ie. problem of pain, pre-destination, dual nature of Christ, and a few Christian cliche one liners.  Don't worry they weren't super distracting, but Young could have certainly shortened the book by ten or so pages if he left them out.  Win win.      

PROP 8

Okay, so I think I put way too much thought into this today, but it was really bothering me. I watched several commercials for & against prop 8. Some were funny, others were repulsive. I think I got a good gist of what both camps are saying.

Pro 8: protect sanctity of marriage, dangerous for churches, dangerous for adoption agencies, possible gay-agenda taught as normal alternative in schools regardless of parent approval.

Anti 8: don't want to feel like second-class citizens, equal rights, more freedom is always good, voting no isn't dangerous for churches, adoption agencies, or education (yet).

Being a Christian it is natural to see the Pro 8 argument. I really tried to put my mind in some Anti 8 arguments and find any peace I could. Here is what I found: I really don't want homosexuals to feel like second-class citizens. We don't live in a Christian run nation, people are allowed to be gay. They should not be treated as lower. They should have hospital visits and tax-breaks etc.

Is there anything we can do for them to make them not feel like second-class citizens?

Their answer would be (in this case) "let us marry." (This is where I become uneasy in my soul). Why am I conflicted to let them marry?

I think I really want to say "okay, you can have the word marriage." Homosexuals calling their life-long commitments "marriage" does not make mine any less sacred. The word in itself is not sacred, and I'm willing to give it up. God created marriage, and I don't feel like I have to protect it, I think He can do a fine job. He will make sacred what He is in.

This is what I am not comfortable with.

(1) I do not want more children to grow up in same-sex marriage households. There are about 5-6 million kids right now in America with gay parents, and about 4% of all adoptions are by same-sex households. We have not seen the full affects of what this will do yet, but I think we have learned enough about developmental psychology to know how necessary it is for the health of a child to find healthy masculine and feminine models in the house. (Although studies are coming out recently saying there is nothing conclusive to prove this. I don't buy it.) Our jails are filled with fatherless children. It's a bit ridiculous to come to the conclusion that by merely multiplying the amount of parents in the house would generate better law-biding citizens. There is obviously something foundational for a child to have a mother as well as a father.

(2) Although voting no on 8 doesn't mean churches are in immediate danger, it will only be a matter of time. Law suits will come quickly, and they'll win.

(3) I don't want to encourage the legislative type of actions of our California judges. I feel like they overstepped their roles and I can't support that. It was inappropriate.

I feel like I want to vote no on prop 8 but I can't yet. There isn't enough protection put in place to secure churches and non-profit organizations. And the legalization needs to go through correct legal precedents. I would be happy for homosexual activist to bring this issue up again in the future in the correct legislative process with the articles to protect religious organizations. I think this conversation was good for me to think about, and hopefully the Christian community won't be afraid to have it again in the near future. Unfortunately I feel like I am forced to vote to amend the Californian constitution at this time. I kind of wish I didn't have to.

Quotes

These are helpful to me, in what I am learning right now. Thank you Larry Crabb.

"Strugglers feel noble, but sinners feel dirty."

"In the immediate aftermath of difficult times, we manage to mobilize our resources and cling to God as we press on. But I wonder if the stength to deal with tough times is sometimes supported by a quiet but strong hope that a good response from us will bring a quicker end to our trials and a return to better times: 'God, I've learned the lesson from these difficulties. See how maturely I'm handling them? It's okay now to make things easier for me.'"

"Desire much, pray for much, but demand nothing. To trust God means to demand nothing."

Jesus Wants to Save Christians

Just a few comments on Rob Bell's new book.

The first half of the book was very different from the second half. In the first half of the book Bell shows what a true Narrative Theologian he is. Because of that he makes Systematic Evangelicals a bit nervous and they don't know why. Everything he is saying is in the Bible but it's not systematic! it's something else, something strange, it must be wrong!

There is no better voice to respond to the new atheist than Bell. His rough overview of the whole Bible paints God in a way that would make the new atheist take several steps back on their antagonist approach to religion.

I wasn't thrilled with the second half of the book. I really wish it were more like his series at Mars Hill. Maybe I just don't remember the "Jesus wants to save Christians" series that well but the book seemed to take on a whole new face.

The book is wrapped up the same way most of Bell's books/tours/sermons are -- with a call and appeal to hope. I would read Henri Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" for a more practiced and honest look at what Bell introduces the solution to be.

On another note I went on amazon's page to read the comments. (I like reading the negative ones.) None of the negative one's were insightful or had anything to add to the conversation. Hopefully as more people read it, there will be better dialogue to explain how I was feeling when I read the book.

Donald Miller Endorsement

Check out the link above. Donald Miller came out in support of Obama, and is even campaigning for him. One of his main reasons is because Obama has a plan to decrease abortions, where as McCain hasn't voiced how he would reduce abortions; he is just vocally pro-life. I read that Donald Miller interview, as well as a few responses to it. One of the respondents said something questioning Miller's logic to vote Obama based on his abortion policies. It went something like: "If Donald lived in the time of Abe Lincoln, he'd vote for the other guy because he had a plan to decrease the amount of slavery." I know that can be a ridiculous comparison, but is there any truth in it?
The facts: no one thinks abortions are wonderful. Some just think they are necessary. What is the best way to get rid of abortions? Is it to instate laws and education and support programs that would lessen the amount of abortions while keeping the choice available? Or is it to elect someone who given the chance would appoint enough supreme court judges to overturn Roe v. Wade (I'm not sure but I believe McCain is for overturning this).
This has really got me thinking. I know abortions would still happen illegally in some places and in back alley clinics. But how long did it take after slavery was illegal for the mind set to change and become demonized? Now, anyone who would even allude to slavery as okay would be seen as a villain. If abortions were outlawed it might take a long time, maybe 100 years, but could you imagine if the mindset of the whole country eventually recognized it as a terrible and disturbing act? Maybe it isn't an awful comparison to slavery after all, maybe I have just become soft for fear of being uncool.
What do you guys think? Any thoughts on this? I was trying to not be one of those voters who vote based off of one ticket item, but is this item big enough?

God is Cool

So God still hasn't provided Brynne a regular job, and I am getting the feeling that He might not choose to for awhile. I think He really wants to ingrain the concept that He is the one who provides. I admit that if Brynne did have a job it would be simple to transfer my trust away from God and towards that regular paycheck.

Anyway, Brynne has sent applications and resumes to approx. 40-50 places already. One day she gave a follow-up phone call to this place called creme de la creme. It is a high priced catering service. Apparently she called at just the right time because they were desperate for help on a party that Sunday. Because she was available they hired her on the spot. Later that day Brynne told me to give them a call; so I did. Because I was available they hired me too! About a half an hour later we got a call back from the lady and asked Brynne if she could work tomorrow, Brynne asked if I could work too and we both got the work.

So, two days last week Brynne and I got to work together making some money catering. This is where the cool part comes in. The Sunday party that we worked was really nice and expensive. We catered a private home that was overlooking the ocean (this was their summer home, 1 of 3). We ran food up and down from the house to the beach (where the party was). The really cool part was, they hired the Beach Boys to play their private party. So, pretty much Brynne and I got paid to go to a Beach Boys concert!

Still, no regular work, but God sure is cool.

My attractive sin

I have been working on an interesting concept: Attractive v. unattractive sins. We all know about the unattractive sins. When we see them we rebuke them. When people escape from them we applaud, when we fall into them we hide them. I feel like I have been struggling with sins that are more attractive, and have been tricked into thinking are less worse. Attractive sins are the ones we "can't escape," the ones that are not taboo to talk about, the ones, if daring enough to take on, make you more spiritual. For me it is struggling with trusting in God's provision. (Doesn't it seem so mature to talk about.)

Brynne and I are honored and priveledged that God thinks we are ready for him to grow are faith. And I don't say that sarcastically or lightly. I have come to this conclusion after a lot of worrying and prayer.

Our constant prayer has been, "God give us just enough today so that we don't lose faith." He is constantly answering that prayer. We are learning to trust in Him for provision, and not trust in a job. It is easy to say I trust in God while you have a constant income, because secretly you trust in the fact that the checks will keep coming.

I have worried about several different bills and payments with no idea how to pay. God brought me to Matthew 6:8. "He knows what I need." Right now the idea of Him providing for what I need is too uncertain, so for right now it is good enough to just know "He knows what I need."

I'm finding it very hard to let go of control, but right now it doesn't seem like I have a choice. He's driving. And although I don't completely trust He knows where He is going, He is letting me see road signs along the way to let me know we're still going in the right direction. Eventually, He wants me to stop trusting in the road signs and just trust in Him.

That is my attractive sin. I pray I never become complacent about just talking about them, and learn to despise them just as much as the unattractive sins.

He is faithful to provide. Join with me in prayer when you think of me.

SF Hopeful

I have been way out of touch this last 3 weeks with the Giants. Every once in a while I will get on a computer and check how they did in the last week. I was very pleasantly surprised to find out that they swept the Diamond Backs. So pleasantly surprised that it gave me hope that we could win the NL West! Who's with me? If we win all of the rest of our games we can still be a .500 team. I'm putting on my rally cap and not taking it off until it's over.

p.s. I'm seeing the Giants when they come to LA, it's going to be awesome. Anyone who wants to do a road trip is welcome to come to the game with me, either Friday or Saturday night.

Institute for Spiritual Formation

I had my first exposure to the "Institute." I was at school from 8am-5:30pm. I had three classes: Theology of Nature of God, Intro to Christian Spirituality, and Foundations of Spirituality and Retreat. I got a taste of all of the different ISF teachers. I have no idea what to think just yet. Although, I had great confirmation I was exactly where I was supposed to be while sitting in Coe's class. He was talking about the different movements in the church history, even though nothing really personal, some things deep inside my soul that wanted acknowledgment and justification, found freedom from hearing about the Christians who went before me. (More on exactly what that was maybe later.)
I'm trying really hard to make new relationships. I am guarding my thoughts from the weight of first impressions and trying to bless all of my relationships after our interactions. I am very curious to know who of these nameless faces will be some of my possibly deepest relationships.?.?
God has been good in all. He knows what he is about.

First Attempt at Blogging

Hello cyber world! I have rejected the idea of blogging for such a long time. This is my admission: I miss having an outlet to post my SOAP journals. Most of my posts will probably just be my thoughts on scripture. Other posts will deal with my current thoughts. My second intention for this blog is to create the conversation with those I moved away from. Although it will mainly be one-sided, at least I will be doing a small contribution towards letting San Jose know what is happening with me. Feel free to comment to make this blog more of a conversation; I would like that.